Random 5 Monday on a Tuesday

Random 5 Monday on a Tuesday

1 – Andy, the hubs, dyes my hair.  Not only does he dye my hair, he picks the color.  He goes out all by himself to the store, picks the lady on the box he likes the best, brings it home and I sit in the living room floor while he does my hair.  He’s kind of amazing like that. This totally manly man who hunts and fishes and sits in the big man chair and knows all things about all sports, this man who coaches our sons little league team and teaches him how to fix things with tools and whatnot, this man who doesn’t cry at sad movies and thinks The Notebook is stupid…. this is the guy who sits me down and makes sure every single strand of my hair is covered and takes care of my grays.

I didn’t realize how much trust I had in him until last Monday night.  After he had completely finished and I had washed out the dye I run back into the living room and ask, “Hey, did you get a red or a darker color?  You got the dark one right?”  He’s all… “Yeah, I got the dark brown one, just like last time.  Why?”  So I grab the box to look at the pretty lady and let out a sigh of relief, “Because I really liked it last time, when you did the dark color.”

Folks, I hadn’t even bothered to look at the box before he dyed my hair!

2 – Maybe this happens to you, maybe not, but when I don’t have my contacts in, it seems I can’t hear very well either.  I’m not actually saying one has anything to do with the other, but this one time when I was riding in the front seat of a giant red Cadillac with my bestie from high school and her mom, Nikki and I were jamming to something on the radio and her mom was all, “Nikki turn that radio down, I can’t see!”  Nikki and I just stared at each other and then busted out laughing.  Barbara was always saying weird stuff when I was a kid, like how she had to clean before the cleaning lady showed up.  Or how she would forget everyone’s names.  Now that I’m an adult, I get it.  I can’t see when the music is too loud either.  I don’t have a cleaning lady, but I do clean out the car before I get it detailed, if that counts.

3 – I’m so very over having all of my face holes either plugged up to where I’m a mouth breather or they are dripping with allergy-goop.  I dislike you allergy season.  I dislike you A LOT!  Yesterday I decided, at the recommendation of the pharmacist, or at least it was someone with a white coat in Walgreens, to purchase Claritin-D instead of my normal go-to Mucinex at times like this.  Both of which cost a small fortune so my decision was not made lightly.  White coat person said if I’m already dry, and being I had no voice at the time I was in there, she recommended Claritin-D.  She warned that sometimes the items you have to show your ID to buy have an adverse affect and made people sleepy.  I thought, well I don’t believe her.  It was my understanding the whole reason I showed my ID was so they could monitor my purchases in case I was making meth in my basement.  I don’t have a basement.  Or know now to make meth.  Basically I just wanted to breathe and stay awake.  Children’s Benadryl makes me sleepy for three days.

So I get my 10 pills for $12 and take them to the register, get in the car and pop one in my mouth praying for quick relief.  I run through Burger King drive-thru for food but mostly I wanted a Sprite because my throat hurt.  As soon as I got home I could barely keep my eyes open!  What the CRAP!  This meth-medicine doesn’t work!  It has phenophdlselserkkserlihsaDRINE in it and it’s supposed to make my nose holes stop dripping like a friggin’ faucet and keep my eyes open!  It says NON DROWSY on the box!

Mind you, I’m not looking for a high here people.  I just need to keep my head up so I can work.  It’s hard enough to think and process work-related information with all this snot swirling around on my brain matter and then coming to a dead stop and clogging up, like it’s hitting 5 o’clock traffic on a booger freeway or something.  Now I’ve got this stupid Lying McLiar Pants “Non-Drowsy” medicine on board so I’m a half-wit, mouth-breathing zombie with a roll of toilet paper in one hand and a 32 oz cup of watered down Sprite in the other.

4Co-parenting is hard.  Between yesterday and this morning, I’ve pretty much had my fill of sharing any of my children with any of the other parents.  Whether they be genetically mine or just enhanced with my brilliance over time, they are mine.  And although I have siblings, I was raised as an only child therefore, sharing isn’t really a developed skill I possess.   So, I’ll just leave this right here… let it soak in.

Today, I don’t like you very much.  Perhaps we can try again tomorrow. 

5 – Yesterday I took a puppy to the vet.  He got a boo-boo and had to be stitched up last week.  We call him Stitch.  He’s such a sweetheart and just as cute as can be, but now I’m afraid no one will want him because he’s got a scar on his side.  Anyway, the vet said these little guys can have baths now, which is awesome because they STINK!  My laundry room smells like puppy poop and hay.  And it gets mopped daily!  It’s unbelievable what 8 little puppy dudes can do to the aroma in a small room.  I can’t wait to have my laundry room back.  Speaking of which, the vet also said when they are completely weaned they can move out.  Yanno, to their forever homes.  The girls have found their forever homes; we have 5 male pups left.  Right now they are horking down goats milk and puppy chow 4x a day, along with a couple times a day milking mama, when she allows it.  And the vet said they can be introduced to the backyard, with supervision of course.  I love them, every single one, but I’m really excited to have my laundry room back.  Aren’t they the cutest American Bully babies on the planet?

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